Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. Boyfriend kissed another girl while drunk? And he grabbed my waist!. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. Truth-seekers are never popular. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). I really need your help.I have been dating this boy for the past two months. The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. Relationships are about trust, first and foremost. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. I took the ride. lover. :p We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. I was drunk but that is no excuse. Well you need to figure that out and fast. I think its interesting that you put in the innocent and the guilty kiss. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. | Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. I'm mortified. The short answer to your question, for this BPD is: No, I don't feel guilty. I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. It's good you feel guilty, that means your not cheating pond scum. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. ;-)) If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. Okay. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job? We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. Okay if it was me who did that even thou I dont drink Ill first ask him as if its someone else who did it, like a friend or a colleague and if he overracts then think again but if hes all cool about it then break ice. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. She has just sent a private message to him on FB. :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. With the other woman just across the room! We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. I practise what I preach, me. 07/12/2015 22:05. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. You were no exception. A guy bought me drinks and he asked me if I wanted to ride his motorcycle to another bar and I did. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. Houston? I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. he set the standard of how he wished this relationship to be conducted in such scenarios yet you failed to follow it WHY did you?). DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. There is more going on. I could list so many reasons why, but instead Ill just list a few. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. Yesterday night we went out to drink. When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. I've been Dating a married Albanian man for 6 months already and NOT proud of it.Just wanna share my, Hurt my ex girlfriend, feel guilty and don't know what to do. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. :(. It sounds simple, but if you think you know how to apologize effectively, you are likely wrong. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Its more like an excuse for cheating. Confide in someone you trust. Plus, I *was* moreover affronted, meaning the guy got off lightly, because [1] I hadn't even caught his eye, [2] my wedding band is very thick thus too noticeable even from a distance, meaning his chat-up attempt was both un-instigated and unwanted, so [3] what sort of person did he think I WAS, just from looking at me?! I am giving him space to think. It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. Better safe than sorry. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). It is the gateway to another feeling. I get the whole 'not wanting to hurt him' thing but, to some people at least, a kiss is very much cheating and so the SO deserves to know what happened right? Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. Nah Don't say a word about it. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; :-) I mean, *I* don't mind if your relationship continues slowly but surely remaining on the skids, do I. Need help with your relationship? i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. Kissing that that guy confirmed it. (Ta-daaaa!) I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. But the guilt is killing me. Pointer much appreciated, though. Most people would never confess that's the reality. Should I ask him for gas money? Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves. Any help or advise would be much appreciated. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. Well, then, let me enlighten you. Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. Secrets have no place in a marriage. male I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. Take it away, expand if you please! By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. :-*. But fine, then 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? You'll have to accept it, face up to it, and put it behind you. No matter how much we insist that "it's all good, bro, we're like, totally homies!", we don't mean it, not really. I agree. I gave up playing tennis with him. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. I feel so bad since then. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. My husband went ballistic and said, I just knew something like this was going to happen. 4 days ago. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. Ugh, basically. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. ;-). I certainly wouldnt throw him under the bus -just yet. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I don't know if he wants to still be friends with her on FB or not. I want to break down and cry. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. Many people who get drunk become more amorous, and if our significant others arent with us at the time of our drinking binge, we might be inclined to kiss or even have sex with someone else because were not playing with a full deck when were drunk. I was very drunk. male However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! Biological ones. It was the most thrilling feeling I ever had watching my wife kiss and make out with another guy. Certainly, that's what I myself meant and expected you to quote Bienne as more or less echoing. What should I do. female Except with other truth-seekers. in my opinion I don't see why you would feel guilty you did nothing . Jam, your wife holds the cards. Personally, I think even innocently returning a kiss is cheating, although Id probably keep it to myself! It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. I just knew it. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. You're denying him that right and being selfish. My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands. I merely stated from the above that lips are a part of foreplay. I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. I have to admire the guy for realizing that he was putting a marriage at risk, and backed away. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. But for me, it was. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. Yes Im addiction there are things called SUDs.. Lees theory has a big vulnerability. Of course there would have to be a lot of transparency in the marriage there after. I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. Remind her of your good points. Apologize to your SO and tell him that you love him and only him. (Got me cracked) 24 It should prevent you from repeating your actions. , By entering this site you declare I waited for the right time ?? I'm so confused. In essence . I rather throw it all out in the openbe honestapologize for my mistakeand be ready for the consequences. If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. I tried to flag down a taxi but it ignored me and I even hid behind a wall at a garage while he took a pee. Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. Past is something you cannot change. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. It happens, in other words. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. Kissing a man, I've just got into over the past couple years. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. response. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. I was very drunk. But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. So your crop had already been carrying a blight, hadn't it. He is my workmate also. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? I also could not fathom if you were ACTUALLY being serious or just having a laugh at her expense..alone in your tracky bottoms in your living room. For starters, your husband, even when supposedly immature, didn't kiss HER. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? I know it was wrong and I regret it all. And the tricky piece de resistance Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. You're not attracted to him? If you want to know the why's, you're going to have to be willing to hear the darkest part of what makes me, ME. This thread has expired - why not start your own? [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. Your guilt is your punishment. So what do you think? You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. Your Drinking Behaviour. That left just me, the man and another woman. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. Any advice guys? i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. I'm sure you'll survive if you don't tell him and I'm certain that he doesn't need to know. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. Period. We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. / Dyathinkhesaurus? reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): A Unforeseeable consequence. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. I kissed my husbands best friend while we were drunk, well no, he kissed me My boyfriend was drunk and let his friend sleep between us. I'd never be able to get over it. I like him so so much and I know I was just being drunk and ****. Go to a therapist if you think it could help you work through why this has appealed so much. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Don't feel guilty. To submit your vote please sign in or sign up, it is free and takes a few seconds. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Lets get down to the basics here. Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. Do you want to end you marriage? I have no idea who the girl is. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). That was crazy' and other awkward things. Team spirit is this: He left and went to the lake. For what possible reason? You were drunk and you kissed - One of those long young people type kisses too . I'm 44 years old and I've been dating a 24 year old for 5 months. I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken. You drank and you kissed. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. .Houston, you and I have now strengthened our bond (whereby attention and affection follow) by together having conquered a potential crisis which can now longer be called a problem rather than a PAST godsend of a dual warning (not enough attention/affection worthy of marriage) merely in problematic clothing. (works every time :-p) reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! You might come to the conclusion that something is lacking in your primary relationship, and you might decide to break up with your partner and pursue the person whom you kissed while drunk. You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. It's not the crime that counts, it's the time. Oh, I see. What is he supposed to do with this information?