The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). But yours is.. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Long Haul Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. When Is Military Appreciation Month? When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Full Disclosure Here. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Altitude is life insurance. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! It took the poor guy all day. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Read more. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Now he likes peanuts.. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. ! Again, no reply. Decodes 7. Aircraft Engineers 1. An airplane! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 50. SUB sandwiches! "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Eat up! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. 11. Ive been sandblasted.. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The Lasting Supper We have one or two in here! The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I'm impressed! with someone braver than you.'. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Caller: Is Sgt. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. So I quit ordering it.. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. I just put them all together for your amusement. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 2. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas ! Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. 1. Me: Hello? Speed is life. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Want more amazing military jokes? Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Dont think so? He thought he would be home about 13:30. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Where are you from? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest They all originally set out to become Marines. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The two lads objected strongly. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Its a NO FLY zone! A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? The reason? Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Why Do We Celebrate It? Why Do We Celebrate It? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Why won't you kiss me? Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. She told me she warships them. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Why? I asked. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Its where we park the helicopters.. Caller: Is Sgt. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Attention! 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Why were the Marines invented? After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Do you want to hear about my plane?. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. You can see why: How tough? After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? MARCH! 46. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Me: No, I dont. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Did you make it all by yourself? When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Why? I asked. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. USA: Choppers Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. 10. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. I dont see it.. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. 38. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 9. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. 64. Even his son turned up. Eternal Piece ", 55. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Yes, said the lieutenant. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. 1. [Answered]. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Marines Say OOOOORAH! They bagged six. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Do you have change for a dollar? A LOOtenant! SUB sandwiches! Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. 39. It was sheer brilliance. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". (pointing at the sky). When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. 12. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. March forth! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. 16. 2. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. 8. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Landings are mandatory. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. No, we dont, she said. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Proceed at your own risk. 45. Military 3. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. 9. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Because the Army needed heroes too. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Dad got quiet. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest There are many branches of the military. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? The Army will post guards around the building. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. It took the poor guy all day. Return to Humor Index. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?.